Ratings (not the naval ones, the other kind)

All right, I got tired of letter grades, especially when I noted that all of my grades were falling in the C+ to B range. So here, never before seen by the American viewing public, is the new scale:

0: Horrible. This will rot your soul and cause us to lose the war.

1: Boring. You could be doing so much more with your life than reading this.

2: Mediocre. This is not a waste of shelf space, although it may be a waste of money.

3: Above average. This is enjoyable overall but with possible serious flaws or simply a guilty pleasure — much like your favorite childhood movies when viewed in the harsh light of the present day.

4: Excellent. If every book was this good, you wouldn’t need this site.

5: Sensational. A masterpiece of the genre / medium or the best story ever about a character or concept. If you don’t like this, you are a damn Communist who hates outstanding personal achievement.