A Frozen Excuse II

I missed putting up reviews on Friday and Tuesday. You, the loyal reader, deserve a better excuse than “my personal life was crazy” or “I was crushed by the amount of work I had to do this week.” Frankly, you can get those kind of excuses anywhere, and we all know they’re lies, just excuses for being too lazy to put in the kind of quality work an unpaid “labor of love” deserves. So you get a better excuse. Like this one:

Snowpocalypse. I warned you — I warned you all. But did you listen? Oh, no. We all expected Santa to launch his offensive near the day of his greatest power, and the snowstorm in mid-December was what we got. But everyone let their guard down, and what do we have now? Two straight snowstorms that smacked the capital when St. Valentine should be bestriding the land with his army of cherubim. Did he throw in with St. Nicholas in some fallen-saints-in-rebellion alliance? Or is he merely ineffectual? (I vote for the latter; there are only so many times you can be pierced with arrows before you start to lose your taste for the fight. Believe me, I know.)

So now Santa Claus has shut down our government with his fluffy white onslaught, like a terrorist or a Republican. We can only wait for his next offensive. I’ve been preparing, conferring with others who know the danger those rosy red cheeks will blow our way. Will you be ready?

Will you?