Reader quiz for Showcase Presents the Justice League of America, v. 1

After reading Showcase Presents Justice League of America, v. 1, I decided to to something different. Here is a quick quiz about the early days of the JLA. If you aren’t familiar with the stories, don’t worry; it isn’t necessary to guess, if you have any familiarity with the Silver Age.

1) The Justice League has been called into action! But where is Superman?

a) The Bottle City of Kandor.

b) Journeying through time.

c) He’s too popular to be seen with the doofuses who make up the JLA.

d) The villain doesn’t have Kryptonite, so the writer has no idea how to make the plot challenging for Superman.

2) Hey! Batman isn’t here either! Why?

a) Stuck in Gotham traffic

b) The Dark Knight refuses day missions.

c) Batman’s much too popular too. He’s hanging out with Superman.

d) The villain has superpowers, so the writer has no idea how to make Batman effective.

3) The villain has set three plots into motions simultaneously. What should the JLA do?

a) Split into teams that complement each other in power level, temperament, and intelligence.

b) Split into teams randomly because, hey, what’s the worst that can happen?

c) Well, if Superman had showed up, the rest of the team could let him take care of all three plots and knock off early for the day.

d) Screw this, I’m tired of doing triple the work for no pay. Let the Avengers handle it.

4) Martian Manhunter: What’s the first power you use?

a) Martian supervision.

b) Super blow.

c) Super suck.

d) Someone flicked their Bic two counties over, and fire robs me of my powers!

5) Aquaman! Summon your:

a) “Finny friends”

b) “Brothers of the sea”

c) “Filthy fetishes”

d) “Aquatic slave labor force”

6) Flash: use your powers to the fullest by:

a) Vibrating your legs to fly.

b) Vibrating your body to match the dimensional vibration of … something something something. Has to do with molecules, I think.

c) Vibrate your arms to blow something away, because the pilot light in a house two miles away has robbed Martian Manhunter of his super blow powers.

d) Vibrate your body to use your amazing plot-convenience powers.

7) Green Lantern! Why aren’t you attacking?

a) The villain is dressed in yellow.

b) The villain is attacking with a yellow beam.

c) The villain is curious (yellow).

d) Hal just ate yellow snow.

8) What will Wonder Woman do?

a) (HINT: It doesn’t matter.)

9) Why was Green Arrow appointed as the first new recruit?

a) Meritorious service as a solo hero.

b) Substitute Batman, so the team would have a useless member when Batman decided he was too popular to show up.

c) Neat accessories, such as the Arrow Plane, Arrow Car, and Arrow Collar.

d) Bows to peer pressure very easily and is also rich.

10) Oh no! It’s Doctor Light! What will he do?

a) Blind you with a flashlight.

b) Make you “taste the rainbow,” if you know what I mean.

c) Knock you silly with hard light, even though “hard light” is impossible.

d) Rape Steve Trevor and kill Carol Ferris.

11) Superman showed up, but he’s been captured! How?

a) Magic.

b) Also magic.

c) Kryptonite.

d) Magic Kryptonite.

e) Yo momma.

12) The villain has captured the JLA! What will happen to them?

a) They’ll be turned to vapor and displayed in bottles.

b) They’ll be sold at an auction, dressed in all-too-revealing French maid costumes. (NOTE: this will require Wonder Woman to wear more clothing.)

c) They’ll be executed gangland style (except Superman, who will be forced to swallow a Kryptonite pill).

d) They’ll be forced to sing in a public venue and be openly mocked by Simon Cowell.

13) Why is “Snapper” Carr always snapping his fingers?

a) It’s how he expresses approval.

b) It’s how he dissipates his immense sexual mojo.

c) It’s an advanced form of echolocation; exposure to radioactive Kryptonite meant for Superman has left him blind.

d) A better question is why Batman hasn’t ripped off his fingers yet.

14) Why is Snapper allowed to hang out with the JLA, anyway?

a) That damn woman libber Wonder Woman refuses to vacuum more than once a week, so someone has to do the housework.

b) Let’s just say he has … interesting pictures of Superman and Martian Manhunter in the JLA locker room.

c) Government quotas — they were forced to take in at least one talentless dork.

d) Batman wanted a new punching bag, and Snapper’s cheaper than Everlast.

Answers will be revealed, in the Latin tradition, on the Greek calends. Until then, you can score your answers yourselves!

Showcase Presents Batman, v. 2

Collects: Detective Comics #343-58 and Batman #175-88 (1965-6)

Released: May 2007 (DC)

Format: 512 pages / black and white / $16.99 / ISBN: 9781401213626

Silver Age DC … I’m not sure why I bother. It’s so bizarre, so nonsensical, it’s as if the writers fed hallucinogens to mentally handicapped kids, then used their ramblings as springboards to write stories.

Actually, that’s not right; that makes the stories seem too interesting. The stories careen between boring and bad pseudoscience, then takes a left turn into camp with Batman #179 and Detective Comics #349, when the “go-go checks” begin. There are two extremes: crappy hoods with weak gimmicks and ludicrous sci-fi gimmicks that detract from the relatively grounded nature of Batman. None of it is particularly interesting.

Few of the iconic Bat villains show up Showcase Presents: Batman, v. 2. In nearly 30 issues, the Joker and Riddler show up once apiece. Poison Ivy makes her debut, with two appearances; the back cover also trumpets Blockbuster’s first appearance as well, which should give you some of the star power involved. A villain called the Outsider, who lurked in the shadows of v. 1, steps into the light and turns Robin into a coffin. Batman defeats him because the Outsider makes his machines too simple.

All the good parts of v. 1 are missing. The Outsider makes only a couple appearances before his secret identity is revealed. The Mystery Analysts of Gotham make only one appearance, which — sadly — is the high point of v. 2, outside of the Poison Ivy stories. Alfred returns from the dead in a spectacularly stupid way.

As I said, maybe it’s just that I don’t get Silver Age DC. They seem to be targeting a younger age than Marvel was going after at the same time, and it shows decades later. But the stories don’t seem to have any spark — except for the exotic temptress Poison Ivy, it’s just a dreary succession of people who Batman and Robin beat up. Without much continuity, the stories are just one damn thing after another.

I can’t recommend the book, and I doubt v. 3’s going to be much better. But it’s Batman — I might still buy it.

Rating: (1 of 5)